not for you

sucked like smoke through a window

i maintain the writing of a five-year-old

of a pregnant girl floating round

the room of my unmade

to whom if i may if the questions squint

of Little-Bo-Peepness

of beatniks

of nobody told me i could be broken

into the twist of the bitterest

melon fell in deeper

father keeper of the seed

need indeed a deeper knowing

of myself i say nothing of the way

i saw you sinking into wet

without a cry for me

oh my do try to fly

awake a breath encounter death

around the corner shops at eight

in time to remonstrate we met

in evenings spinning nothing from

why don’t we becauses and fuzzes and

water’s not what is the point

of my sadness my speaking of

witches i never knew

you were in touch with my weakness

from lack of air you drowned they said

in spite of whistle-if-you-need-mes

who sees me in telephones ringing

hands to surround me Problems Astound Me

found me sitting on the wall

i watched you paint a picture of the sons and sinners too

in tune to touch too soon the chances

i have dances on my own

to watch you never

home again and right i’ll just

goodnight you said it wouldn’t hurt

as much as this is worth in terms of

what is missing from my world you said

you knew i loved you too much

pain to strain my oneness

my higgelty-piggelty-tangled-complicity funness

shun this witness-seeing being out of contact with ourselves

our shelves of books of lives that don’t reflect

their owners are not ours

is not a question of an answer never given

for the lonely that and only

nothing more i said

i never wanted life without you

of the many never any

had i felt to reach this thatness that

you showed me this

explode me into rubble

with a bang but not the bubble

not for you